I should've known today would be so bad when so many small things kept going bad. I dropped the spaghetti sauce, my shirt got caught in the display door. I can't even remember anymore.

I had to close the department with my friend today, staying until six for my first time. (I closed with other people multiple other times though, so I knew what to do) He was saying "This time you're going to learn how to close because you're doing it alone tomorrow" as if I haven't learned anything the past ten times I closed with him (He taught me things each time, I didn't suddenly forget) and other people before. I know what to do, serve the customers, clean everything, downsize the fries, turn everything off so the store doesn't burn down.

I was already feeling a bit bad all day from small things keeping going wrong but then there was one thing when we were in the hour that we were the only ones there. We had to pack a different chicken than normal in for a family meal and I never did it with that. I know it's really stupid but I just wanted to make sure we pack it the same way so I asked just "Do we pack it the same way?" and I heard him audibly sigh. I was being super annoying, I know. My questions are stupid. If one small thing is different, I just need to make sure. I just don't want to do things wrong. I mostly held in my crying but maybe he saw. When it was finally over I went to the bathroom like I needed to use it and I cried in there. I thought I wasn't crying anymore enough that no one would see while I went to leave but someone saw and asked if I'm okay. I acted like I didn't hear him and walked away. I don't want anyone to see me crying. I don't want anyone to worry because then I feel bad.

I told my parents to drive me to the gas station on the way home so I got monsters and too much chocolate. It's both to feel better and self-harm, since the monster is killing me but I love the taste and everything it does, and I love chocolate but too much makes my stomach ache. (One bar of chocolate made my stomach ache one time). Once I got home, I ate dinner and went to shower. In the shower, I was finally alone after so long so I cried so hard I almost threw up.