Crying in the employee bathroom

Now playing: Self-harm Achromatic - Sasanomaly

Everything was going well at work. I felt so happy. I was just talking to one coworker and saying how yesterday went so slow and today the day passed so fast. My boss came up and said they have to talk to me. He and a bigger boss brought me down to a meeting room in the back and sat me down. They explained to me that they have to let me go. They said I would be too slow for the summer when things will be a lot busier then now. They also said I don't talk very loud and customers don't understand me, I fail to help customers when they need help. I thought I was getting better at those things. I thought everything was going well.

My boss asked if I wanted to finish the rest of the work day, at first I said yes but she then gave me the option of leaving early if I want to. I said I guess I'm going to go home. I was holding back tears. When I got out of that room, I didn't even tell my parents to come pick me up yet, I immediately went to the bathroom and cried for probably about 30 minutes or more. I thought I was just going to go to the hardware store and buy a utility knife. If I just returned and then called my parents, they wouldn't notice anything. I ended up not doing that. I keep almost giving myself access to sharp objects like that and then I just give up. I'm so tired.

But now I can work on my website full time. I can do and play and watch all the things I wanted, but now there's going to be no motivation. I have no reason to do anything now since there's nothing that takes up my time in the future. I can sleep all day and all night. I want to die. I don't get it. What went so wrong? Everything was alright. I was just finishing the longest work week I ever did, 8 days. I felt happy, and then this all happens. I'll just become a streamer or something online. I can't do anything in real life.