My thoughts

Hi, welcome to my thoughts. It's where I write down my thoughts about anything and everything because I like to tell people stuff even though maybe not everyone wants to listen.

Feel free to drop suggestions in whatever chat I have up. I also try to add as much as I think of.

Dreamcatcher

My familly used to have a dream catcher. It first was hung up on the wall in my parents room. I was little and I didn't know what it was at first, it just looked like a decoration there. My parents told me it's a dream catcher and it catches nightmares.

From what I faintly remember, I probably had more than one nightmare so my parents put the dream catcher in my room. I think it really worked and I didn't have nightmares in the time it was placed in my room. I remembered about it and wondered if it actually worked, although it seems it does since it helped with the nightmares I had.

I wanted to add a picture of the one we had but I don't think we have it anymore, or if we do, it's stored away.

Homelessness

When I was about 16 years old, my parents said that once I'm 18 I have to get a job, and if I don't have a job or am not trying to go to school, than they'd kick me out. Ever since then, I felt no hope in living in the home I grew up in freely past 18. I really thought; once I turn 18, I'll be kicked out. I've been even planning it out, although in reality I haven't planned anything other than walking hours to someone else's house and hoping they let me live there instead.

I'm 19 and I still think ending up homeless is a possibility. At this point I've just accepted it. I really wish my parents never told me how willing they are to just kick me out because now I sometimes wish they just did it already so that I could get away from them or die and they wouldn't think of me as selfish.

Chores

I don't mind doing chores that much anymore. Just before writing this (which is what made me think of it), dad asked me to wash the dishes and I went to do it without feeling upset at all. After I graduated high school and didn't have a job, my parents made me do the chores which were wash the dishes, do the laundry and sweep the floors. For I while I was okay with it but then I hated it. My parents compared it to a real job but never treated it like a real job, saying I have to because I live here and don't have a job. But if you compare it to a real job, why not treat it like one? Pay me. Let me have days to be sick, I almost threw up on our clothes. They come home and if I'm laying in bed because I'm sick, I almost get yelled at before I can even explain anything. There was that one time I did do my chores but the clothes in the washing machine didn't look like it because I moved them around a bit when I was looking for something but they were washed. Mom saw it and assumed I didn't do the laundry and just immediately yelled at me.

Now I have a job and I'm not being pressured anymore as much as they say they weren't. I have to pay 200 dollars to live in the house I grew up in which feels so absurd to me. At work I do the dishes but I don't mind because it's part of the real job I get paid for. Now I don't mind doing chores at home. It's actually treated like chores, something everyone has to do around the house and not just me cleaning everyone's shit because I didn't have a job yet. Now it's just I have to do the dishes only sometimes. I don't mind doing it anymore since everyone also does it.

Dishes

Washing the dishes is one of the chores I have to do every weekday. It's one of the fastest to do since washing the dishes in general is fast enough. My hands are wet so I'm less likely to get distracted. I put my phone on the counter or in my pocket and depending on if there's people around or if I'm home alone, I either wear headphones or I blast music.

I remember when I was about 9 (Age may be wrong, terrible memory) and I had to wash the dishes. I did wash the dishes before but I just remember this one thing. I didn't wash a pot right because I was still messing up and I couldn't really remember when the only advice I got was shouted at me. I don't understand why they always feel the need to shout at me, I always forget when they do. I actually remember better when I don't get yelled at.

Anyway I had to do the dishes but later that day my name was called so I went over to the kitchen. My dad was showing me the pot and yelling at me that I didn't clean it good enough. He was yelling that I don't make the water hot enough but if I made the water any hotter, it hurt. He yelled at me saying that what will happen is that everyone will get food poisoning and die and it'll be my fault. I don't really remember but it was probably another one of those times that he made me cry and then yelled at me to stop crying or else I was going to be grounded so I was forced to hold it in until I got to my room and cried as quietly as possible so I don't get grounded.